10 Things Every Wife Should Know and Do

10 Things Every Wife Should Know and Do

I must first say that I am so blessed, actually beyond blessed to celebrate yet another year of marriage to the love of my life.  13 YEARS!!! WOW.  I literally have no words to describe the overwhelming joy that I have.  I am sure as young girls we all imagined our wedding day.  Looking like a princess walking down the aisle to marry our prince. But I didn’t really think much about what to expect after the wedding.  I mean sure, the house, the dog and kids but I didn’t put much thought or focus beyond that.  

But I’m older and married so reality has set in.  Things that I didn’t think about were suddenly apart of everyday life.  No more running to mommy's house and sleeping in my old room.  I am married; I am a wife.  Oh boy.  If only the honeymoon lasted a lifetime.  But the truth of the matter is, marriage is not easy.  I like to say it takes a lot of work but it's so worth it.  It’s probably one of the most difficult stages we encounter in life.  Why?  Well, if I had to pick a synonym for marriage, it would be the word selfless.  I really can write a book on the subject but for today we’ll focus on my top ten things every wife (regardless of how long you’ve been married) should know and live by.  These are some of the lessons I’ve learned over the years and while some are spiritual, there are some that are VERY practical; I want to be transparent and have balance in what I am sharing with you.

  1.  Marriage is ministry.  I’m sure you’ve heard it before but it’s true.  Marriage is described as the relationship equivalent to the relationship between Christ and the Church.  You have to really sit back and think about that.  I can’t go into it all but just as Christ was selfless as he laid down His life for the church, we ourselves must be selfless when it comes to expressing the love we have for our husband.  Just as we didn’t really deserve Christ’s love for us, there are times when honestly, it’s not easy to express our love for our husbands but it’s part of the relationship.  I like to look at it like this, we reap what we sow.  When we sow the seed of love in our marriage, we will reap the harvest of love in our relationship.  Just as a seed takes time to grow and take root, we must be patient in those difficult moments within our marriage when showing and demonstrating love is not the easiest thing. {Read Eph. 5:21-30}
  2. Make Prayer a Priority.  I’ve had sessions with several wives over the years and one of the biggest pieces of advice I share is pray for your husband daily.  I even started laying my hand on my husband’s head as soon as I  wake up and pray “Heavenly Father, protect him, lead him, guide him and give him favor with those he comes in contact with today.”  It’s brief but it’s powerful.  Most men don’t always express the troubles they experience throughout the day.  I am sure our husbands go through more than we know.  So our prayers over them have no boundaries.  Since our husbands are the head of the household, praying for their strength and protection is important.  My dad would always say that the devil attacks the head first knowing that if the head falls, the rest of the body will follow. Not only pray for him but set aside time to pray with one another.
  3. Forgiveness is Love.  The definition of love according to scripture says that love keeps no record of wrong doing.  Maybe it’s just me but early on in my marriage I kept a check list (mentally) of all the things that ticked me off about my husband.  It would be something that he said, did or didn’t do.  I would use that as ammunition when we would have a heated discussion.  One day during my prayer time, I was convicted.  I heard God clearly say, “daughter, that’s not love”.  Love doesn’t keep track of wrong.  I learned to either communicate in that moment when I didn’t like something (in a calm, loving way) or just pray about it.  When I say pray about it, I would ask God to soften my husband’s heart and to speak to him in a way that I couldn’t.  This is not easy but the more I shifted my focus from the need to be right all the time to demonstrating Christ like love, my marriage changed dramatically.  It’s amazing how God demonstrates this very thing by forgiving us when we ask for forgiveness and throwing it away to never remember it again.  {Read 1 Cor. 13:5}
  4. Sex is Not a Weapon.  Oh boy.  This is something we don’t hear a lot about.  It’s amazing how the world has no shame in talking about sex but in the church it’s almost forbidden.  Well, if we can’t learn about matters of the heart and all aspects of the marriage relationship from the church, we end up looking to the world to provide us with examples and teach us about marriage.  It shouldn’t be that way.  Anyway, LADIES, don’t withhold sex as a way of punishing your husband or to get your way. “I’ll show him…he gets NONE until blah, blah, blah”.  This is not of God.  I know when things are intense, having sex is normally the furthest things from our minds.  But purposely withholding sex from your husband as a strategy is not the right way to express your frustration.  The bible lets us know that our bodies are no longer our own.  There are other ways to communicate your frustration. 1. Have a sit down conversation. 2. Write a letter to your spouse. 3. Pray for understanding and direction; God will give you the right words to say. {Read 1 Cor. 7:5}
  5. Say Something.  Marriage takes work.  You and your husband are growing together and learning one another.  Your husband will not automatically know when something is bothering you or what is bothering you.  I remember a time when I use to think “He’s my husband, he should KNOW what I want”.  That was the furthest from the truth.  It’s when you communicate with your husband that he is able to learn more about your likes, dislikes and desires.  It’s not fair to him to think he should have learned everything while you were courting.  Courting is not marriage.  There is a different level of intimacy and communication when you're married than when you were just courting.  I learned that when I would tell my husband what I desired and expected, he started implementing those things into our marriage.  You also have to find out what he likes.  You may do something heartfelt with good intentions but if it’s not what he likes, it may not yield the response that you were looking for.  There’s a book called “The Five Love Languages” that really breaks down the different love needs.  Having a better understanding of your husband’s love needs will have an amazing effect on your marriage. {Read Luke 6:45}
  6. Keep it Clean, Groomed and Smelling Good.  Ladies, being clean is so important.  You should want to go to bed smelling nice and fresh for your husband.  I saw a video where an older lady said, “he may not be having sex with you because you don’t smell right down under.”  I can only imagine what a turn off that would be.  In addition, find out what your husband likes.  Let’s see if I can try to use a little code language here.  Find out if he prefers a landing strip, smooth sailing or a forest full of trees trees. (I hope you get it).  Find you a good waxologist and keep her number on speed dial honey.  Seriously, you should want to keep yourself neat and groomed just the way your husband likes it.  
  7. Keep it Spicy.  Listen, you get married and should do so with the intention of being married for life.  Have fun and really enjoy one another.  Every marriage is different so find out what keeps the fire burning for you and your husband.  If dressing in sexy lounge wear works, then honey keep you some lingerie in stock.  If lighting candles and listening to some music works, then go for it.  And let me say this, I’m saved and my husband knows that I’m saved but playing Shirley Cesar or the church quartet is not going to cut it.  It’s okay to keep it spicy in the bedroom with your husband and not be ashamed while doing so.
  8. Spoil Your Man.  If you want to be treated like a queen then you must always realize that you my queen have a king.  Your husband is the king of your household. If you know he’s had a stressful day, run him a bubble bath, light some candles, jump in with him and massage his back.  Now honestly, I am not a foot person.  Feet bother me.  Like seriously gross me out.  I don’t like looking at them, touching them and don’t like feet touching me.  On the flip slide, if my husband needs a foot rub, then I step up and deliver.  I may have to pray real hard before and after, but I never want my man to feel like I am not willing to make sacrifices for him when I know that I expect him to make sacrifices for me.
  9. Date Your Husband.  This is something that I am very firm on.  I will always make time for my husband.  We made the commitment to have our date nights, when we set aside time to really enjoy one another.  It doesn’t even have to cost a lot of money.  Quality time is necessary.  We tend to be so consumed with life that we neglect tending to our relationship with our husband.  Even if you have to order in and watch a movie at home, as long as you are making time to really enjoy each others company, that’s what really counts.  My husband and I put the phones down, let go of all the roles and responsibilities and just have some us time.  Being in ministry, it can easily get to a point where you are so focused on taking care of the needs of everyone else while neglecting the needs at home.  Charity begins at home.
  10. Be Willing to Compromise.  I started this post off with saying that marriage should be selfless.  You don’t have to always get your way.  It’s hard, I know.  I grew up being a daddy’s girl and that mentality can be hard to break.  In a marriage there must be a shift in the way that we think.  You have to be willing to create your own traditions, your own systems and your own methods as a married couple.  I tried taking all the things I learned while living at home into my marriage and he tried to do the same.  There was always contention.  We had to pump the breaks and decide that we would take the best of both worlds and come up with what works for us, our lifestyle and our schedules.  Here’s the kicker, we are still learning and figuring it out.  As our jobs, roles and responsibilities change, we have to be willing to shift and adjust when needed.  It’s not about being right, it’s about making it work. 

I wish I had more time to really share more with you but these are my top ten.  I pray that they were helpful for you.  I tell women that I meet with all the time, I am not where I want to be but I am still learning and I have come a long way.

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Love y’all!